It was Supposed to be Easy (Cheese)

Sometimes, when the mood strikes me (or when I’ve been beaten down by the constant whining) I let my son choose his own special food at the grocery store.  There is no need to read the label on this item—it’s pretty much a guarantee that it will be full of high-fructose corn syrup, numbered food dyes, or trans-fats—or quite possibly all three. But he’s seven, and I’m a sucker.

And so, that is how the can of Easy Cheese ended up in my house.  Because what’s more fun to a seven-year-old boy than eating “food” from a spray nozzle?  Holistic mommies be damned!

It all seemed so easy—my son was happy and amused, and I’d thrown him a handful of multigrain-grain organic crackers to give the whole experience a hint of nutritive value.  And then I dropped the can on the floor.

It took a mere five seconds for the pressurized can to discharge its entire load, erupting in a cheese-like fireworks display two feet into the air and turning my kitchen floor into an edible Jackson Pollock.

So if anyone from Kraft Foods is reading this, I suggest you put the following warning on the can.  “CAUTION:  Easy Cheese May Cause Unexpected Hardships, Particularly to Those Consumers Who Don’t Like to Mop Their Kitchen Floors.”

Published by hilarywgraham

TV writer, screenwriter, author

One thought on “It was Supposed to be Easy (Cheese)

  1. Lolz! You’re a good mom! Every kid needs a can of Easy Cheese during their childhood. And yes, it’s a good lesson to your children that anything under pressure should be treated cautiously … especially moms!

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